hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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