He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
