Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
