If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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