shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
