I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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