What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
