I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
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she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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