do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
