i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
