My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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