dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
