You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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