The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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