I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
