Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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