Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
