3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My penis needs a shock collar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
