well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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