I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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