If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
