The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
