I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
