I puked a lego.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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