You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
