Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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