Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
