remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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