Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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