as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize