I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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