Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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