i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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