i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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