the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
