I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
