watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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