my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
