I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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