***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there's paper in my vomit.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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