He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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