Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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