I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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