I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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