I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
