i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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