apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
