Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
