I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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