maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
