Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
