Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize