so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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