Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
