well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
