I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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