Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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