I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7