Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.