**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.