You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
