The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.