i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
