is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power