we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
